walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
