she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
we should paint friendship bongs
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
