Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
