So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
