They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
