you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I look better un-naked...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
