careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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