Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
