I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
