drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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