I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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