Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
