You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
