You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
