Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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