I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Small penises have feelings too.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
