ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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