2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
