I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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