people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
