it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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