there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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