he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
