I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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