R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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