The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I can't put those talents on a resume
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
