dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
