meet me or not, i'm out of control
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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