No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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