so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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