I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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