I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
