It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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