we're chasing vodka with high fives
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
