cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
