everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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