someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
