Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
