I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
