First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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