At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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