the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
