I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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