Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
