I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
