angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
