hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
