The maid of honor just puked.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I could fuck to npr.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
