he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
