You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
no more duck duck goose at the bar
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
